Connecting through Gaming: A Parent-Son Bond

I am in gaming “maintenance” mode, and I am ok with that. It’s a comfortable way to game, I log into each game I am playing regularly (Marvel Rivals, Heroes of Hammerwatch 2 (which I haven’t posted about yet), and Fortnite. Each are great for bite-sized, daily gaming, too.

Marvel Rivals has daily quests that last two days and refresh daily, and month long quests that refresh every two days. If you time it right, you can login every other day and clear out all of the quests you have available. These quests give you free currency (as well as whatever special currency they have – currently a Lunar Theme Free skin to play for, plus other cosmetics) and it’s anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour (the monthly ones can take a while to finish). As you can grind out the monthly ones in increments, I just do the dailies, which is under 30 minutes. Sometimes I play longer if I’m in the groove or having fun (and get in the odd comp game).

Fortnite I started playing with my son when he was 13, found out a few lawyer / professional friends played, and long after my son quit playing it I have a standing monday night gaming sesh with the pros. (Professionals. Not real FN pros). That still happens, and since I am a completionist (and the Battlepass pays for itself if you play enough) I do log in every day and do three simple daily quests that take 15-30 to complete, as well as any larger, broader quests that I may not have completed on my Monday Fortnite Pro(fessional)s night. It’s fun and quick.

Heroes of Hammerwatch 2, is a fun little Roguelite with a neat gameplay loop, RPG elements, and really fun Meta Progression. There are 7 different classes (I have unlocked 6) and each level of each class gives you a stat boost for all of your characters. My level 9 archer gives +3 attack to each character (for example). Plus, you share a “town” so town upgrades apply to all characters as well. There are items that progress with you, and trinkets that are run specific bonuses / abilities that disappear after each run. Stats and skills grow with levels and are interchangeable to try different builds. I really enjoy the game, and a “good” run for me is a 30-45 minute experience so perfect for bite-sized gaming. It also has co-op, which I haven’t tried yet, but I think that would be delicious.

That’s my current gaming on tap – and I’m having a great time with it.

My son is at second year University, and he’s struggling. He has a great friend group and a very active social life, but was cut from the University Hockey team this year (after making it last year as a walk on freshman) and that was a big blow to him. He still lives with a few of the hockey guys and it was a tough last-cut situation (but a great life lesson, that I hope he realizes someday. I know how much it hurt / is hurting him still, heading into second semester). His real struggle is the school work – not the social life. HE was a Covid kid last two years of high school. The classes were all online, there was no homework, no accountability, and no preparation for post secondary. He was an honors high school student but he is not prepared at the next level. Plus, he has grown up in a generation of distraction lifestyle and try as we did to parent well, with unlimited support and resources to help him succeed, he doesn’t want the help. And truth be told that if he doesn’t get his marks to a certain level this semester he won’t be invited back next year.

It’s hard as a parent to watch your kid (erm, young adult?) not have the habits and drive to be successful despite the support and resources available. His mom and I are high performers and high achievers (I was a CEO, owned a company that was in 13 countries, successful sale and exit – his mom owns fitness and wellness studios) so he grew up seeing “what it takes” to “make it” (on top of all the timing and luck that is required, it’s a whole hell of a lot of hard work). Admittedly, though, he hasn’t ever really had to struggle – and his parents both grew up poor so we really learned to appreciate the things we worked hard for. And that was to make sure he didn’t have to work as hard. Mission accomplished, I guess, but in the bad way.

Despite that last paragraph I just want to share that I have put zero pressure on him to “be successful” (however you would define that) outside of “find something you really love to do, and be good at that!”. I already wish I didnt work so hard and all the things I missed out on. Although I suspect I’ll be appreciative of it in my retirement. When I let that happen.

I digress.

I have virtual coffee with my son 3 times a week, an hour before his morning classes, to connect, talk about his week, etc. And also to make sure he’s up – since I am a 5am like clockwork and he hits snooze, those three days are his early class days. But I love seeing and talking with him (regardless of the secondary incentive). So we usually talk mornings. One day, he told me he was messing around with Marvel Rivals (he used to like Overwatch 2, which is similar). And one night he called me, which is weird, because we usually talk mornings.

And when I answered, he asked: “Do you want to play Marvel Rivals with me?”

I don’t think I have ever been so excited to play video games. We don’t see him much outside of summer months / Christmas holidays, so the ask really hit me hard and I was genuinely so happy that I would get some quality time with him doing something we both love. We didn’t talk about school, or hockey, just played some Marvel Rivals comp matches (won them all, of course. Those kids are wild with their twitch skills. I main “heals”, its safer for me and my team) and just laughed and had fun.

I’m very appreciative that we have a shared passion again that we can connect with. For years it was with hockey (I coach, he played), but this is something we can probably do the rest of our lives together, and for that, I can’t even begin to explain how much hope and joy the thought itself brings.

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